Former Brentford, Bristol Rovers, and Swansea City defender, Ijah Anderson, made more that 300 senior appearances as professional and since been diagnosed as autistic.
The 49-year-old met with Level Playing Field’s head of fan engagement & supporter services, Liam Bird, at the Gtech Community Stadium. Ijah opened up on a revelation that reshaped how he understood both his past and himself, while looking back on his career.
The podcast episode can be found here, or via your chosen podcast platform and the full transcript is available below.
Liam Bird: We are so at the G Tech Community Stadium, the home of Brenford Football Club. And in front of me is a man who’s played over 200 times for the club and is a true legend in all sense of the words. Aja Anderson. How are you?
Ijah Anderson: How you doing, Liam? I’m not too bad, my man. I’m not too bad. Good to be back home under the Gtech, but, we used to call it the old Griffin Park, which was just two minutes with the road.
Liam Bird: I’ve been to Gryphon Park.
Ijah Anderson: Brilliant. Fair.
Liam Bird: Few times, unfortunately, my knees in the back of someone’s head. A beautiful old stadium, but not accessible at all.
Ijah Anderson: No. I tell you what, love, I love the stadium. Goodford park have so many funable memories. I mean, sentimental. The closeness of the fans to the pitch. Four corners of the pitch with a pub on it, you know? Yeah, whole realness and the awarewness of the ground for me is, something that’s missing in today’s game.
Liam Bird: Did you enjoy that then, when you – like old stadium – where you feel like the crowds on top of you?
Ijah Anderson: Oh, yeah.
Liam Bird: Yeah.
Ijah Anderson: Love that actual tenensity. That’s all the genes of when you’re young, growing up and you’re wanting to go and watch a football team play, or you wanting to be in a group of, friends willing to go to somewhere so special. That first feeling, that actual pinnacle, is when you’re playing at stadium like that where it’s Old school. The fans are on top of Y and you can hear everyone which is quite crazy sometimes, you know. Yeah there’s no Harding space, you know no hardest space.
Liam Bird: So we’re going to talk a little bit about autism, your autism in particular and accessibility and disability. Before we get on that though, what does football mean to you today compared to when you were playing? I mean do you still have the same passion for football?
Ijah Anderson: For me, the passion for me for the game. I mean I do love the game but It’s rather dampened in a sense where feel it’s too sugar coated game. There’s too many rules and explanation in the game than as it was before. I think the game. I loved the game more sober before than now because I just think it’s more false, it’s more computerised is the way I see it more computerised. It’s not real as it was before how we played. You know.
Liam Bird: just kind of touching on the kind of a changing of football. I don’t know your autism I’re going to talk about in a second but a lot of For some autistic people having something that changes can be difficult. So with the game changing a lot with var and the offside rule and the handball rule, does that affect you in any way?
Ijah Anderson: I think for myself if I was in this game I think it would affect me in a way because it’s to stop start business and your emotions you know it’s you know I’m always on the edge when I’m playing. I’m very locked in, I’m engaged and you know having interruptions to a routine it would do my head in this game definitely.
Liam Bird: You were diagnosed with your autism after your playing career. How did you come about being diagnosed and why did you to get diagnosed?
Ijah Anderson: Yeah. So with my daughter Sienna, who is brilliant bless her. She’s horse racing and she’s doing fantastic for herself. She’s very autistic with autism. her mum Nicole noticed that our daugh at such a young age her attention to detail if there are things not she’ll definitely call it out. There are certain things that Nicole would say would be I for example if she, she had one way of doing something if that was changed she would totally go bonkers and totally lose her temper and everything like that. You know. so she did draw that to my attention and there something that I would see and I think for my own naivety I feel I’d overlooked it. I would think, well, she was blessed. You know what I mean? But, it had me ree. Evaluate myself. And then I actually went and I investigated myself and to certain things I could rel. Elect to in terms of when Nicole tell me regards to Siena’s everyday, operational. The way she’ll go about her day. Some things that should be very hot on in particular. And that related to me. So I ended up, you know, going to 5 Colps Lane personal green, which is the main autistic autism centre. And with that being said, yes, I wanted answers. But I knew in the back of my mind there was certain thing that I could relate to with Seena that had me thinking. Yeah, you know, that’s definitely from my side for me. And it prov. Proven right. When we sat down over a course of period, we had a long, process of, tests. When she went down there, you had to read certain criteria of books. You had to look at different asstracts of different paintings. You had to be read certain things, turn transcripts. You had to be shown certain things and you had to break down certain things in terms of how you perceived it. For myself, the process went on for good three months. They confirmed it all to me. And that’s when they really hit home for myself.
Liam Bird: Yeah, definitely – so my story. So I’m autistic as well. I haven’t shared that yet, and kind of similar, as in I joined level playing field and I was working with people who have autism and I was recognising the traits in themselves in me. I’m like, oh, okay, that makes sense. So I went through the process. It took me nearly two years to get the diagnosis.
Ijah Anderson: Yeah.
Liam Bird: And for me it’s kind of open. It hasn’t changed my life as in like medically, I’m still just same Liam. However, it has allowed me to understand why I did certain things in the way that I did it.
Ijah Anderson: Glad you said that Liam.
Liam Bird: So for yourself, how did the diagnosis kind of changed you? Or has it changed you?
Ijah Anderson: I’ll tell you what I have done. It’s made me more focused in myself. Yeah. It’s made me more magnify certain things about my self. More aware awareness of my behavur and how I’ve spoken in the past and how I’ve been perceived. And I can definitely relate to a lot of things in the past how I could have come across. Which is very. Maybe too serious – very vocal in terms of explaining myself. And I’m trying to break down something and it sounds great to me but hundred one things in my mind I’m trying to explain all of them and I’m trying to break it down and when I’m breaking it down I’m hoping that get what I’m saying. So yeah there were a lot of things that I could relate to with regards to football wise coaches and again this day and age this game into Howard football is. Yeah. Would some of these players survive with some of these coaches back then? I don’t know but from my experience from when we were playing coaches would be so hard effing and blind did there were. Some coaches would call you black this like that some coaches would be quite vocal in that even your teammates would be and there were times where coaches will obviously say certain things and yeah you would you let go of your head you know and there’ll be times in my mind it was a mental note of And I’ll thought one or two of you in my own time but it would be over a process of in training sessions where ah I would have to leave my footing and give a punch, sly little punch to someone you know. But During in a game the magnitude in the past it made me really realise that Even in banter environments I found hard to deal with. I understand it now but at the time I found it frustrating banter which was towards myself Even if I had nothing to do with it but it would come my way. I understand now the reason why they were doing it because I was the one that would be drawn out. I’ll be the one that would lose it. I’d be the one that would snap or buy it. I’ll be the one that would do something out of the ordinary by might be jumping or someone or giving someone a smack or shouting at someone or effing them blinding or throwing something or just thr a tantrum. You know what I mean? These are the things that I would be drawing out about a lot. These are the things I can relate to regards to the battles I was fighting and didn al to them of at the early stages that I weren’t even aware of anyway at that time I won. I can relate to it now of my reactions of how people would target myself. That’s why what wor to use target how people tend to pull those straws and you’ve got a lot of people I think to this day. I mean I know a few people or m around a few that like to quite thrive on Testing how it affects me motism, you see or saying certain things that they know my I gonna go or my mind going toa do cartwardss and I’m gon toa be thinking hundred the 1,000 things to why they saying these things. You know, even when you explain to them like you know, certaining people that And I know education is a lot but when you do explain to some people that obviously these are certain things that can trigger alterism quite a lot within myself and how it does affect certain people not myself. That’s why some people do not dep thrive on that. Obviously’weirduse societyies. It seems to be a place to seem to become a place where people do like not understand but they want to overlook. But I still play with your emotion.
Liam Bird: So there’s a couple of things that I want to pick up on. Was there a time where you record a character so aja. Oh yeah, AJ is a character. Watch this. And was there a time whereout you understood what you were trying to get across but you couldn’t understand why everyone else couldn’t get it? Because clearly in your mind what you’re saying is clear and coherent where about someone else hearing it m might not hear the same thing. And that might be down to your autism. Was ever that a case where that like you’re explaining like a tactic to a player and then getting it. So therefore you get frustrated and it’s like why are you not getting this?
Ijah Anderson: Do you know? the first bit of that point would be the draw. I call it a draw out. That’s how I understand it. It’s called a draw out. The first bit is. Yeah, I so this is. Yeah. You know. Yeah, easy. Yeah, I’ll bite. Do you know? I’ll bite. This pattern became a pattern throughout my career, wherever I went. So it would be a case of forfeits. So you do pennies and if you miss a penny then your forfeit would be okay, you gotta do like doggies forever, but I didn’t understand and until afterwards. So example, they say there’s eight of us. One of the players will say where were you going? I say I’m gonna go bottom right. That player will go to the goalie and tell him. So that’s what you call the draw, right? That’s what they would do. That’s the draw, right. Because you know they’buy I’ll be. I would always be sucked in into giving them information and explaining myself.
Liam Bird: Is it because you believe the best intention of the player?
Ijah Anderson: Honestly, Yeah. Yeah, just being honest and then obviously explaining why you’re honest and always explaining it too. But if I was asking the question, but I’ll be like very frustrating too. But how comes because of the pattern of I’m getting caught out all the time. Why are you always coming to me Yeah I’ll call it, that’s a draw out. The other side of it would be to your point, explaining this inf with is certain dialogues, the way you speak, the way you do, you break down. I think as a person of someone with autism, I think I find it hard to explain to break something down. I can only rel elect to. There’be many scenarios like that. Me trying to I speak to my wing, I saying look, if the fallback comes, you know, show inside or show him outside or if I’m go going to go on the outside, put me in. It sounds great. I could say in three words. But those three words is for that other person who’s not understanding what I’m saying. So I’m having to break it down and maybe I’m over explaining myself M and then’not getting it. I can tell you first year at Brentford or two years at Brentford where I’ll give minimal information to my winger. I was happy defending, I was happy getting on with what I was getting on with. I was happy telling my winger a lot. If you’renna show him one way or the other way, please just do it that way. Because it never happened either magnified myself. Maybe my communication is wrong. Maybe I’m m coming across this wrong way. I’m explaining it’s all wrong. Was I been helped with coach? I don’t think so. And then I chose not to expect anything from my winner when I went on to play for Busaw ros playing for Swansea, played for Saing. You know, playing for all these teams. You know what I mean? I chose not to give any more information. I just defended. I just got on with it.
Liam Bird: Yeah. And that’s because you didn’t think people understood.
Ijah Anderson: No, you’re again, in the environmental egos. Do they wanna understand? Do they wanna listen? No. Again, tournament to your self confidence another person with regards to other things adds to a lot of mental trauma to myself in terms of going forward and doing things how I want to be doing things in football and how I do want to progress in football. You know, the negative played it played a lot against me.
Liam Bird: Before your daughter was diagnosed with autism, how much did you know about autism? If you weren’t aware of autism with yourself, then did. Were you frustrated in yourself and sometimes how you would act?
Ijah Anderson: And it’s funny you say that, because when I see certain people who have autism react or way they react, it just sends a big light bulb to me, making me think how I was reacting back then, but I didn’t understand and I did not know. It’s quite emotional, it’s quiet, upsetting me. Because you think to yourself, wow, there’s certain things you go through in your life now and you want people to understand. Certain you think surely they should understand too because some of these people are older than you, some of them are of a higher figure. When we move forward, and I have moved forward in my life, I’ve like to look at it and thinking, oh, that was my journey.
Liam Bird: Do you think your career was ever held back because the idea that you might be difficult because of your autism. Do you think you were held back in your career?
Ijah Anderson: I think I was held back. I was held back mainly on that fact because no, with water them as myself. For me, I’m very vocal. I can come out with things that don’t realise I’m going to come out with that are not even fit for the occasion, you see, or sometimes it would be I spoken to or, coach would speak to me or to speak to me, but I’m like, yeah, I’m understanding them. Why is this and why is that? Only because I’m trying to magnify this or get this picture in my head for what they really, really want for me to go and execute it. I think most coaches looked at that as a challenge. Most coaches would look at you looked at me as a challenge, but for asking questions.
Liam Bird: They think you’re challenging them.
Ijah Anderson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Challenging them, asking them questions and it’s just, just get an understanding of what is required. Some, people could be told. Once someone told me something, I need it to be broken down to me and explain to me so I can get a dist of an idea of the picture they’re looking for. Unfortunately, some people out don’t have that patience for that, you know. Yeah. Which is a shame. So this is why, you know, it’s very important that we do shed light on this two coaches and to know, give information for myself. I can share that. I could have’been through it. I’ve walked that, you know, that plank. I’ve worn a T shirt. Yeah. and these are the things that I share with, I would love to continue sharing with, you know, whole football league or football team and coaches as a whole.
Liam Bird: I mean your playing career wasn’t that long ago really. So like the idea of talking about disabilities or talking about ED&I like, I think for some people it’s not like you were like through the drenches the seventies and eight like was there ever a conversation regarding disability in training neurodiversity or anything like that at all.
Ijah Anderson: This is the things. It wasn’t their comments that were shy. You, you know, you get on this your or then wow, you know what I mean? I mean sometimes, you know, you training this turn into a fight, a fight zone purely because of sometimes my reaction would be I’m not having this talk you with these names. And again for my peers and a lot of players that would. They’ll perceive me as must be too serious. I not really want to have bands withuse. I just wouldn’t get it. Could I be challenging? I’d be like, what are you saying that for? Yeah. And in my head and the seed sets in my head and then you’re targeting me, after you’ve got a problem. They had a problem with me what’s wrong, you know. And that’s it.
Liam Bird: You’re trying to figure out.
Ijah Anderson: Yeah. You know, so these are things in football banam football’rife. It’s always good to try and share the information to the coaches and to the players as well. Cause obviously there would be someone in that group where mentally the battle becomes a war because they want to get on the field and they want, want to play. They want to play to the best ability. But knowing that they got your own teammates adding to the banter in their head. It’s a nightmare.
Liam Bird: Do you think the reason because there is a spectrum of autism. It’s so complex. That’s the reason why people don’t want to engage in it?
Ijah Anderson: Possibly. You know, I’m saying that. You know, do we make excuses from or do we need to have conversations? We need to raise the interest of say look, autism is a whole covers to everyone when it comes to spectrum in different dialects of speaking. I think, I think when we segregate and put it into different categories, then we’re having different conversations and specific conversations. So we’re leaving ourselves still lacking. I think we need to just address it as a whole. We do know there are people that must. We don’t really want to address it and try and look down, sugarcoat it and don’t want to put it on a high entity of discussion, when it should be. It needs to be addressed.
Liam Bird: Have you ever felt pressured to explain your autism to someone?
Ijah Anderson: Wow. Many people. Many people. Even with a lot of close people, when I’m having to explain and break it down a lot, doing these sort of things is changing, an arrangement. If I’m having a discussion and you’re not having a discussion where I’m in a dialogue, I’m telling you from my experience and what I feel and what I mean, and I’m going to explain that. When you got them to undermine that and challenge that, then you’re trying to push it as dishonesy. Do you see what I’m saying? So then these are the battles that we get. These are the battles that we go. Yeah. So there I find out I’m worried having to explain all the time, everyday.
Liam Bird: And how is that, like, mentally? It must be exhausting.
Ijah Anderson: It is mad. It is mad that it is because I think the exhausting is very exhausting. I think that becomes, I think my mind and my body becomes immune to it. Maybe tomorrow, next week, you know, I might be calleded from the services in heaven because the body’s had enough. You know what I mean? I’m. I might not wake up. I kind of just try and get on. Every day is a different day. And I think unfortunately inside we have a lot of people channelled in a way that tried to make it after and that’s what they want to do. And unfortunately, I’m, always to be a target for these people.
Liam Bird: Well, talking about targeting, I mean, one of the things that you may have been targeted before, I don’t know, is that you are a black man.
Ijah Anderson: Yeah.
Liam Bird: So as someone who is a black man, who’s also autistic, do you think football speaks about disability in the same kind of seriousness about race?
Ijah Anderson: I think football as a whole, let’s make it clear, I think every club in this environment of football have a duty to speak from the rooftops, bring it to the attention, do something positive with it in terms of racism. There needs to be done more, so much more to do with, suffering. I think football as a whole can do more and I think they don’t do enough I think within football as well, you know, within the governing bodyies don’t do enough. They can do more. I think there’s many of us that are still here that are willing to help and assist. You know, we can only cry and keep shouting from the rooftops for so long. We’re still here waiting. I think the governing body knows needs to do more.
Liam Bird: I think they can do more and we’re here to help, but without using the charity’s name, Level Playing Field. But do you think there’s a level playing field? Regarding the discussion, it seems to be that easier to talk about race because there’s a lot more diversity in football now. But it seems to be difficult to talk about disability because there’s not that many people who play the game willing to talk about disabilities.
Ijah Anderson: Right. Do you think that’s important though?
Liam Bird: I think representation matters. I think having people on the pitch who you know, have a disability and they’re open to talking about their disability is important. We kind of touched on it before we recorded about Lucy Bronze, who openly came out with ADHD and autism. So do you think Lucy Bronze could have done that in her younger age than doing it now where she’s probably on the back end of her career? And the same for you. Would you have felt comfortable if your diagnosis came earlier? Would you have felt comfortable going, I am autistic in the knowledge that, oh, that might be a negative for me, knowing how cutthroat football is.
Ijah Anderson: Regards to Lucy first and foremost, she spoke in later on, now she’s established, et cetera, et cetera. Right. So, and then going back to your point of saying, you know, we need a figure on the pitch, I think we could all make a start in terms of, you know, even people that ain’t even playing football, but those that have played football or played some form former sports and have allied them to share the experience. I think she’s shared their experience as well later in her career. Maybe she felt comfortable to doing it that way. That’s her mostly her decision of going about her maybe. Would she’ve done it when she is younger? Maybe not. Because in establish she’s still trying to feel her way into the game. She’s still trying to find herself, trying to impose herself, her own personality, amongst a changing room of diverse people of diverse personalities. For myself as a person, as I am and as I was as a player, I think if I would have been diagnosed early, I think I would have made it known. Cause I’m just. That’s me. Take me as I am still gonna give you 100, 150%. I’m still gonna play my heart out. I’m still gonna be a team player. I’m gonna leave my blood outside on a pitch and I’m gonna make sure I’m letting the fans go home now they’ve seen me put my work in and that’s how I’ve always been so far. Diagnosed early during, in my early career. However age make it known I think not just for the pleasure of anyone else, but just for myself. Yeah.
Liam Bird: Do you think the conversation and the education regarding disability and autism is happening or do you think it’s still not? We’re not in a place whereabouts it needs to be.
Ijah Anderson: If I speak football half I think there ain’t enough done now so there should be more done. And I think for me Bentford are very understanding as well. Very much a family oriented, a club based on community, have been built from the community Brenford Football Club. So I think they will be addressing that and doing that as well. I think if not now, if they are in the process of doing it and I think they are of an understanding club. l love to adjust that and take that forward with them as well. Yeah.
Liam Bird: So let’s start wrapping up now. So let’s say you are the head of football and you get the opportunity, you get the opportunity to kind of set some policies in place. So I’m going to give you two policies. One, how would you go about educating non disabled people about disability? So the fans. And second, how would you incorporate football within the setup of the players to be more accessible?
Ijah Anderson: Give me that one again.
Liam Bird: Let’s break it down. So the first one. How are you educating non disabled people about disability? Particularly talking about your disability with autism, how would you go about educating them?
Ijah Anderson: How would I, I think for myself I think it would be an open dialogue. I think that’s a way forward open dialogue. I think online. Online information as well it is very important. These are things that people can actually go to and find out more. I think within clubs I think making sure repetitiveness of information is unhan for everyone to see.
Liam Bird: Would you like to see mandatory training for staff?
Ijah Anderson: I would like to across the board. I think from grassroots I think it should be more aware. I think there should be a lot of information on that training should be Yeah, yeah. Should be offered and should be there for everyone really within the sport and at most club. I think that’s definitely important. That should be done.
Liam Bird: My final, final question, just four of it with the edn, I kind of being under attack in America and kind of been essentially being drawn back. Do you worry about that creeping into British culture, particularly football and how do you see the future of football when it comes to Ed and I?
Ijah Anderson: Well, we move talk about in America.
Liam Bird: Not talking about America, but we know what’s happening in America in the moment it seems to be rolling back. So kind of the old saying is if America. Yeah.
Ijah Anderson: Just to answer your question, and you’ve got toa get real and true from me, you know that. Anyway, so it’s a concern. That’s a concern becausee, you know, obviously when it comes to America, sister relation in terms of England and America. So then the influence. It’s worrying, isn’t it? It’s a concern and I just hope it doesn’t. But it is a concern. That’s what I would say and I would add to that definitely a concern. And I would be. I’ll be very naive not to say no, it’s not a concerned. That’s a very much aner and I do. I’m very attentive to that, definitely.
Liam Bird: I suppose what my question really is is do you see that creeping into kind of football and going backwards in its commitment to Ed? I.
Ijah Anderson: Well, this is the thing I hope it doesn’t, you know, we’re hoping that the works that have been done before us player that have been done before the works that have been done before us and the contribution of players, the more said and the more repetition of information and also highlighting the threats and the dangers is important which would be a big plus. You know, that will bring up a difference and galvanization and together us for football going forward.
Liam Bird: Aija, thank you so much for your time. I really do appreciate it. It’s been really interesting.
Ijah Anderson: Glad to be back home with the OG Tech. lovely to be at Brentford and I thank you, Liam. And we just keep doing what you’re doing and keep spreading the word and we keep our. We keep doing our work.
Liam Bird: Exactly, keep speaking. Keep speaking. Ijah, thank you so much for your time.
Ijah Anderson: It’s a pleasure, mate. Thank you.